I didn’t expect that the car I found would be C’s but in an odd way it felt better. Immediately I started to make excuses for her.
“It was my fence sitting that caused uncertainty”
“I’ve just not been fair”.
We spoke later that day and I said I was glad that we had finally got to this point because we could build from here. Her tone had changed though and she was lashing out at me. How could I come to her house to see what was going on? How dare I do that! I explained that it was the only way that I could see for myself where things were at and I hadn’t caused a scene when I got there. Regardless, this was a heinous act of distrust in her eyes.
She went on to say that although C had stayed the night he had slept in one of the kids beds as she said to him her surgery pains were bothering her. She couldn’t bear the thought of betraying me that was the real reason. Yeah right!
She gave the impression that we could talk and get things back on but she couldnt do it that night as she was visiting her Mum and then staying over. By now, I could tell when she was lying, (it was pretty much whenever words came out) and I knew that she was ensuring that I didn’t come to hers because C would be there. I decided that I would love-bomb her (even although I didn’t recognise that as a phrase at that point) till she came to her sense so I wrote her a poem and penned an email explaining how wrong C was for her. The responses I was getting by this point were getting shorter and cooler and I was panicking because I was losing her.
By this point all my time was spent sending a WhatsApp message and then every few minutes checking my phone to see if the double tick had turned blue. When they did a reply wouldn’t be forthcoming till I bombed her with more messages and the answer was an exasperated one.
Two days after the C revelation, she took a trip to the US with her daughter. I said I would leave her alone to get her head straight but I followed the progress of her flight on an app over the Atlantic. I was truly lost. Half way through the week I sent her a message to say I hoped she was having a nice time and I got a polite one in return with a brief couple of lines as to what they were up to. The last message was mine and there was more forlorn hope of a reply over the next few days. By this time I wasn’t going to work, all I did was check my phone and see if there was anything I could piece together.
After her week away, we did catch up when she was in the airport and things were getting back to the flirty laughs we were used to. This all changed however when I brought up C or what I had discovered the week previously. This chat was off limits, it was pretty clear.
I was driven on by the fact that we’d had at least some positivity in the contact and I began to structure my contact around when I knew she had her kids as the times she didn’t she was unavailable and most likely seeing C. Her answers were becoming cold not just cool and I could tell that I was annoying her. Things got to a point over the next couple of days that she wasn’t open to discussing anything about C or her situation. It got to the ridiculous place where I had to give her a multiple choice on what she wanted to do with me. There could be several choices in this answer like “I’m with C” or “I’m single” and one of them was to go for a coffee. She chose that. No other options were answered.
We never made the coffee. She called off because her son was ill and she was cuddled up with him. I got the irony in that but I don’t think she did….